April Fool’s Day Discriminates Against the Humourless, Supreme Court Declares

OTTAWA – April 1st, 2016
By Andris Pone
Coin News Services

Claiming it as a victory for the humourless, constitutional lawyer Brian Greenspan praised, at exactly 12:01 Eastern Time today, the decision by the Supreme Court of Canada to extend April Fool’s Day to 5pm wherever you live.

“Look.  Because of the requirement that you execute your silly little joke before noon, ‘April Fool’s Day’ as a name never made the slightest bit of sense.  Not a scrap.  Not a single, blessed iota.  Even so, this obvious logical deficiency was, in fact, not our primary motivation for launching this challenge.”

“Instead,” Greenspan continued, “there is a crucial constitutional issue at play here, namely that the noon requirement discriminates against the humourless by not giving them sufficient time to think up a cute gag.  And so I thank the Court for granting these marginalized members of our society the time they need to come up with something at least halfway decent.”

Court observers and time management experts were quick to point out that the five-hour reprieve will benefit a myriad of disadvantaged groups beyond the humourless.  These include people who hit snooze a few too many times, who are taking a sick day whether real or bogus, the hung over and those who decided to just bloody well sleep in.

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